I’m about to reveal you the best-kept secret in the fitness industry regarding how to get that bikini body.
Ladies, I’m talking to you.
You know you want it.
You’ve seen them all out there before. All those bikini body programs. Seems to be the #1 most desired trait in women nowadays. More than brains, more than wit, more than wealth or general physical health.
Women want, more than anything, to have a banging body that’s beach-worthy. As in, we want to be able to wear teeny weeny itsy bitsy pieces of fabric and strut our stuff and be damn proud of what we have to show to the world.
It’s understandable, really. After all, we’ve been brainwashed to believe that our self-worth is directly tied to how much bodyfat we carry and how wide our thigh gap is. That if we’re sporting a muffin top, we’re not only unhealthy but unpleasant to look at as well. That the entire universe will flock to be our friend if we would just sport some abs finally.
So are you ready for it? You ready for the secret?
Here it is: put a bikini on a body.
Sorry to disappoint you, reader, if you were expecting something a little more… involved. Don’t eat X. Drink tons of Y. Take a handful of Z pills exactly 43.21 seconds at the end of your workout in order to optimize the fat burning capacities of your body.
Fuuuuuuck thaaaaaat shiiiiiiiiiit.
A few summers back, I was hanging out at the pool with some friends. Everyone was eager to do flips off the diving board and splash around, as young adults are wont to do. So naturally, everyone was in the water. In their bikinis.
Except for me.
Rather than frolicking in the water and making precious memories, I spent the entire day sitting by the poolside ridden with anxiety. I was so insecure at the time that I couldn’t fathom taking off a single layer of clothing for fear that every ounce of fat on my body would be scrutinized. So I sat there, t-shirt and shorts at all, and watched in silence.
What’s funny is that I was far from overweight. I weighed 115lbs (same weight as now) but in my eyes, I was an elephant. And the biggest problem to me was that I didn’t have a six-pack.
What in the world?
There are so many things I wish I could tell my former self, sitting there so alone and miserable. I thought it was my fault that I wasn’t worthy of being seen in public in a bikini. Never mind the fact that I was one of the leaner people at the pool; to me, it wasn’t good enough. It would never be good enough.
Slap that bikini on and get your ass out there.
What amuses me now more than anything is knowing that we spend so much time looking after our own appearance – makeup perfect, jeans still fitting, bodyweight all clear – that we overlook the fact that nobody else really cares.
As in, whether or not you put on 10lbs, that’s not going to change how people think of you.
You’re not a better or worse person for being a size 6 rather than a size 10. [Tweet “You won’t lose friends over your waist measurement. This much I can promise you.”]
And the people who do care? Who dare to pass judgment on you for being a certain size, whether that be too fat or too thin?
Well, what does it say about them that they have to waste their time exerting hateful energy toward you rather than focusing on making themselves better?
Remember that one time in the summer before junior year of college when you didn’t join us in the pool for the whole day and you missed out on all the fun?
Who wants to have that kind of memory?
I don’t give a rat’s ass what size you are. You deserve to love your body right now – every damn inch of it – regardless of how “out of shape” you think you might be or how furiously your thighs may be rubbing together. I don’t care if the friction between your thighs start a fire.
This chick right here – a supposed “plus-size” model – looks amazing. Why is that? Because she’s confident, and that self-assurance shows through the picture. I think that’s awesome. I’d be her friend.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with her body size, and she’s by no means “huge”. And you may have heard otherwise.
But guess what?
Fuck what ya heard.
You were probably raised to be kind to people. Don’t forget that that includes yourself, too.
So the way that you are right now? Girlfriend, you look great. You’re fabulous.
You know why? Because everyone should be able to get out to the pool in the summer and get their tan on.
Go out there and enjoy yourself. Stop fretting over those last few pounds you may think you have to lose before you can allow yourself to have fun.
Don’t forget that you can still show compassion to yourself while simultaneously striving for more.
Put a bikini on your body.
That’s how you get a bikini body.